Thursday, April 17, 2014

Unknown Comics, Part 3

Did you know there was a short lived What Not To Wear comic?  It didn't last long, which might have been partially due to it's reliance on women wrestling.  Or fully.  You be the judge!

(click to make bigger)

Sunday, April 13, 2014

Flipping Through Fredrick's 73, Part 4

More dresses from the 1973 Fredrick's of Hollywood catalog.  These are on actual women, with correctly proportioned legs, and some of the most hilariously failing attempts at looking sexy.

Let's take a look.


Attempting
Sultry

Getting
Get down on your knees, dog!

Results
Locked in the closet with a gimp mask on.


Attempting
Flirty

Getting
That's some good Prozac!

Results
An EMP screaming "How many pills did she take?  How many!"


Attempting
Come Hither

Getting
I can feel the kernel with my tongue and it's driving me crazy!
Where is it?  Point it out?  I hate this feeling!  Argh!  I know it's there!

Results
Knocked tooth our with ball peen hammer in fit of rage.


Attempting
Sexy

Getting
Stevie Nicks, cheerleader.

Results
Can you really argue with Stevie Nicks, cheerleader?
No you can't, mister choosey!

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Flipping Through Fredrick's 73, Part 3

More from the 1973 Fredrick's of Hollywood catalog, this time from a page in B&W.  Just like your daddy remembers it ... your sick, sick, perverted dirty catalog peeking daddy.


Why HELLO SAILOR!

The little cape off the back is not only fashionable, but can serve as a semaphore device, though about the only message you can signal is "check out my butt!"  It's good that extra scrap of fabric exists because it seems Fredrick's forgot to include the top part of the pants and this resourceful lady rubbed her butt in a paint tray.

Certainly that's a type of porn.  I'm not googling it.  Some things are best left unknown.


This is either a costume for being an extra on the Lynda Carter Variety Show, Marvel comics Satana cosplay, or sexy vampire.  Honestly, can't go wrong with any of those options.

You might think that's a come-hither look, but she's actually hiding the bite marks that turned her into one of the undead, who's lonely terror-filled nights are spent sucking the blood of the innocent and posing in ridiculous Fredrick's of Hollywood costume.  Surely, this is a creature to be pitied!


OK, was Wally Wood slumming for the Fredrick's catalog?  That's very Wood-ian.  That's not a joke, just an observation.

What, you want jokes?  It's a free blog, you ungrateful brats!  Have a little appreciation for one of the masters of the craft!

I'm sorry, I apologize, things have been hard on the farm.  The joke well has run dry, the cows are barely surviving on puns, and I don't think my family will make it through the winter, we only have 101 Elephant jokes and I don't think it'll be enough ...


I dream of a vampire/space alien Jeannie.  This is a great idea if you are expecting major trauma on your upper arms and don't want the paramedics to rip you fancy new dress.  Comes complete with sparkle nipples and a waist-line that says major shards from my lower ribs are now resting comfortably in my bowels.

Saturday, April 5, 2014

Flipping Through Fredrick's 73, Part 2

More outfits from the 1973 Fredrick's of Hollywood catalog.  You can have them in any color, as long as that color is sea-foam green or cobalt blue, and any fit as long as you had your legs sawed off at the knees and replaced with shapely stilts.


Hello, and welcome to smutty airlines!  Please keep your pants in the upright position!  Before we begin the flight, I want to direct your attention to my gigantic gams, if only to distract from the flour factory explosion I'm wearing as hair.

In case of an emergency, nothing floats, as a matter of fact, your seat cushions are made of cement.  Not to worry, I'm tall enough to have my feet touch the bottom of the ocean, and the rest of you can ride in my cleavage, which I am helpfully pointing out.


The pants say Liberace, but the pose and hair style says Ilsa: She Wolf of the SS.  Sure, she's strict, but she's got nice boobs if you can find a ladder tall enough to get to them.  And yes, she'll always look down on your with that glance.  Except it, you worm.

I just invented third-person narrated BDSM!

Back to the sea-foam, eh?

I have to say, those are the biggest bell-bottoms I've ever seen, and that last statement isn't at all a setup.


I stand corrected.

This fine number is universally loved by the harem girls as those bell bottoms are big enough to sneak in extra men; one, two, or an entire football team.  That look on her face is joy at being able to bend those impossible stick legs without a major bone fracture.  She's probably just going to stay in this pose for the rest of her life, it's sexy, and I don't think she wants to risk moving that leg again.

You'll just have to go over to her.  She's not going to starve, she's got decades worth of frozen burritos in those pants.

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Flipping Through Fredrick's 73, Part 1

Fredrick's of Hollywood, a name that carries the grand tradition of frilly sexy things -- things that look a lot better on the internet models than they do on my 200 pound Labrador Retriever.  Don't judge me!

Anyway, 1973 was a different time, and a different Fredricks.  Still looks bad on a large dog, but it's a lot less sexy and a lot more "smoking by the dumpster behind Studio 54."  Let's take a look!


Our first white-haired goddess is nearly 13 feet talk, and 90% of that is bell bottoms.  She has a pose that is half Southern charm and half leave-the-money-on-the-dresser.  She wearing something made out of pounded copper by the finest shoe making elves, have of which turned dark green from copper poisoning.


Our next model is a ribless version of Marie Osmond.  A bold, complicated and bright print says "I spill a lot of things on my dress and now nobody knows."  Her boobs are separated more than humanly possible -- but since she's a 22 foot tall demonic monster -- nobody complains.  For long.


Put your hands together for the first lady of country, Miss Dolly Parton, ladies and gentlemen!  She's got something in her right eye and she by mistake wore a box instead of panties.  The show will be momentarily delayed.  You, old guy in the back, sit down, we will get to "9 to 5."


Do you think the artist liked to draw butts?

This was the newest technology for 1973, a dress that was held up specifically by jamming a yard of fabric up your ass crack and squeezing for the evening.  If somebody on the dance floor asks why you are so tight-assed, well, you've got a ready made zinger.   Or you could just unclench and see what happens, it was 1973, after all.

(Special thanks to my pal Karswell and his blog and everything else too, for whom I got the original scans.)

Saturday, March 29, 2014

Unknown Comics, Part 2

Another short lived series was the comic version of the dating site Xtian Mingle.  Cancelled because it was never a good marketing tool to show a date that went so disastrously wrong.

Click to make more readable!


Comic scan from the great Four Color Shadows!

Thursday, March 27, 2014

Unknown Comics, Part 1

One of the lesser known comics was a version of HGTV's Love It or List It.  Probably lesser known for a good reason.  It seems a lot more risqué than the show.

Click to make more readable!


Comic page from the awesome Pappy's Golden Age.